excerpt from a letter to my sweetheart

I was lost. I had nowhere to go. I walked among the zombies in the garden for too long. i followed the cracks in the sidewalk. hung out with rats. looking into faces for something i couldn't find in myself. i drank. took other drugs too. because the night is boring. and sunlight reveals nothing. stumbling down the path, toward the city. i collect bits and pieces with altered senses. walking past the garbage cans and homeless people. birds flying above. women with flowing hair. my mind wandering other landscapes. searching for something, always. i can feel the blood in my body, the flesh pulled over my skull. minute by minute. i experience the mystery of life. visions and feelings rise and disappear. i could speak my own unknown language, but instead, i will communicate with discipline and a precise anarchy. from the hole of my soul. i want to tell you what i've seen. where i've been... later... i found myself in a theater, still intoxicated, a cheap porno projected on the spinning screen. when i went to get up i was stuck to the seat. i tried to understand my situation within the broken lines of reality...

xo

reporting
from the island
of victoria
new dawns
on this
misted horizon

don't worry
i will cut off
little pieces
of myself
and mail them
to you

i will
spit in the ocean
and speak
only of secrets
sign my name
in blood
on my last letter

i will watch
obscure
pornography
brainwash myself
with repetition
and fear

violate
the landscape
of your
distant body
a thousand times
like violent footsteps
that break a new path

maybe
i could
save myself
before these
pieces run out
but then i would
have no reason to live